The Dedication
by A Single Drop of Blood
Summary: Edward never came back. A year later, Bella is the singer in the band Werewolf. Every song has the same dedication. “To the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead.” What happens when Edward comes across a CD?
1. Chapter 1: Going Under Bella's PoV

_Author's Note:_

_Alright, everybody. I decided to try my hand at a 'what if he never left' fic. And also, I need to prove to some people that I'm not 100 anti-Jake. So... here we go.   
_

_Going Under_

Evanescence

I took slow, deep breaths, trying to calm myself down. I missed the numbness. The numbness made everything easy. Always. But now, I had to face reality.

_He_ was gone.

_He_ didn't love me.

And _he_ was never coming back.

For four months, Jacob has been my rock, my personal sun. He was the most important person to me now, the only person who could hold me together, even if he would never mean more to me than _he_ did. Jacob knew all of my dark secrets. Just as I knew his.

Of course, to Jacob, we were more than just close, we were together. And, honestly, to anyone on the outside, it probably looked like it. We always held hands, kissed (on the cheek –of course). And, as of three months ago, we spent most of our time either in his room or his garage, all because of my newly discovered skill. I had discovered a new way to let my emotions about _him_ out, no danger or voices involved – In fact, I haven't heard the voices since the motorcycles.

I could write songs. And I could sing. Well.

So of course, Jacob was quick to inform me that he knew how to play the guitar – pretty damn good, if I do say so myself. Another convenient fact – Embry and Quil can play, too. So, the four of us got together, I on vocals, Jake on guitar, Embry on drums, and Quil on bass. Together, we are Werewolf.

Yes, such an uncreative name…

Tonight was our first big gig. If we did well tonight, we could get picked up by a talent scout, and actually become more than a small-town garage band. We could be somebody.

We were taking the first song that I wrote, a month after _he_ left. Its name, you ask? _Going Under_.

Right, so back to deep breaths. In. Out. In. Out. _I will not hyperventilate_, I told myself sternly. _I will not hyperventilate._

I worked on relaxing my body, one part at a time. Slowly, the tension dissipated until only a peaceful calm was left behind. Of course, it wouldn't last long. Tonight, in my dreams, I would be punished. Anything involving him led to nightmares. And singing songs inspired by his actions_definitely_ counted.

I opened my eyes slowly, taking in my reflection. My hair was dyed, a very deep brown, almost black. My dress was knee-length and blood red, a corset at the top, leading to flowing material that folded just at my knees. The entire dress was bordered by a black trim, gothic, about two inches thick. I had on black leather knee-high heeled boots to complete the outfit. The only make-up I had on was mascara. (Emily insisted on something – "You can't just leave your face empty after all that dressing up, now can you, Bella?")

All in all, I looked completely different from the Bella Swan of Forks High School.

There was a knock at the door, then, and it opened, revealing Jacob. He wore his long, black hair down, and sported midnight blue jeans with ripped knees and a black T-shirt. His face lit up when he saw me, and he was next to me in four strides.

"Hey," he greeted me, taking in my new look.

"Hi."

"You're definitely ready in terms of your attire," he laughed. "You look like a Goth."

"Hey, you're the one who decided on Dark attire," I reminded him.

He rolled his eyes. "Did you honestly expect us to dress in anything else when we're playing such depressing songs, Bells?"

The door opened again, then, followed by booming laughter. Embry.

"Just a tip, Jacob," Embry advised, walking over to Jacob and I. Quil walked into the room as well, but seemed distracted. "Never insult a song in front of the songwriter."

"I wasn't insulting her songs," Jacob defended himself. "I like them. I was just pointing out the theme among them. Would I be here if I didn't like the songs?"

"Yes," Embry and I answered immediately. We all knew that Jacob would be here, whether or not he was in the band or even liked the songs. We were here, and so, he would be, too. We all laughed.

"Quil, you're being quiet," Embry pointed out. "What's bugging you?"

Probably Claire . . .

Quil looked up, smiling guiltily. "I'm just thinking," he said. Then, with a sly smile, he added. "But I'm sure you guys wouldn't understand things like that." That earned him a punch on the arm from each of the boys, followed by more laughter.

I smiled. I may not be whole, but this was as close as I was going to get. During the day, I was, for the most part, normal Bella Swan. But come nightfall, when I went to bed…

I shivered.

The nightmares were horrible. They didn't have any ghosts or anything scary like that, though. There was nothing. Just… nothing. I would walk around in the forest in Forks, searching… I didn't know what I was looking for; I couldn't remember. I became more frantic in my searching. Then, it would hit me. There was nothing for me to find. Because my reason for existence was gone…

That was usually when the screaming started.

Jacob frowned, taking in my unexplained frown. I tried to smile convincingly at him. Now was not the time to think about the nightmares. We had a gig to do…

The door opened a third time, revealing Cooper, our stage manager. He wore his backstage and VIP passes, both laminated, with a silver chain holding them around his neck. He didn't walk in, just poked his head in, seeming glad to find us all in one place.

"You guys are on in ten," he told us. We all nodded to show we understood. Cooper disappeared.

"Well, then," Embry said, as nervous as the rest of us were.

"Let's do this," Quil finished. We all muttered sounds of agreement, before shuffling out the door. Now that it was time for us to actually perform, we were all nervous. I wondered absently if, if we actually became something, if _he_ would ever come across our music.

The hole in my chest rippled, taking my breath away.

_Be good_, I reminded myself. _Now is _not_ the time for that… _Never_ is the time for that. Even if he came across it… he wouldn't care…_

"Ready, Bells?" Jake asked me, pulling his guitar strap over himself and positioning the guitar. He smiled encouragingly at me, and I half-smiled back.

"Ready," I confirmed.

"Alright!" Embry's nervousness had quickly faded; the high of playing always came to him first.

"And now," I hear distantly, a male voice, speaking into a microphone. "For our listening pleasure, I am proud to introduce to you, Werewolf!"

"Here we go," Quil muttered, his fingers tensing and loosening over his bass.

The curtain pulled apart, making all of us go blind. The lights were so bright, so strong; I could barely make out the audience. I saw a pair of shadows that resembled Sam and Emily; one gave me a thumbs-up.

I took a deep breath, before stepping up to the microphone. I took it with both hands, very aware of how slick my hands felt against the smooth metal. _Please, please_, I begged. _Don't let me drop the microphone…_ It would be just my luck if I dropped it, especially now when there was an talent scout ready to pick us up if we did well.

_Breathe_, I reminded myself sternly.

I spoke into the microphone, praying that my voice didn't sound as weak as I felt. "This song is something I wrote almost a year ago. It's dedicated," I hesitated. _Hell, why not?_ I thought. _We're already Gothic looking; they won't think anything of it…_ "It's dedicated to the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead," I said, my voice stronger.

_You do not rule my life,_ I thought, ridiculously, as if he could hear. But, I felt strength with the words, and vowed never to let a vampire have that much control over me again.

I signaled Embry, who started the beat. I took a deep breath, before joining in. My noted weaved into the music, powerful and in control. Within seconds, Jake and Embry had started into it, and then we were playing. The words were coming up soon…

_This is it,_ I thought. I took a slow, deep breath, before bringing the microphone closer to me and started singing . . .

_Now I will tell you what I've done for you_

_Fifteen thousand tears I've cried_

_Screaming, deceiving, and bleeding for you_

_But you still won't hear me_

_(Going under)_

_Don't waste your efforts_

_I'll save myself_

_Maybe I'll wake up for once_

_Tormented daily, defeated by you_

_Just when I thought I'd reached the bottom_

_I'm going under_

_Calling you_

_I'm falling forever_

_I've got to break through_

_I am going under_

_Blurring and stirring the truths and the lies_

_So I don't know what's real and what's not_

_Always confusing the thoughts in my head_

_So I can't trust myself anymore_

_I'm going under_

_Calling you_

_I'm falling forever_

_You've got to break through_

_I'm—_

_So go one and scream_

_Scream at me_

_I'm so far away_

_I won't be broken again_

_I've got to breathe_

_I can't keep -_

_Going under_

_Calling you_

_I'm falling forever_

_You've got to break through_

_I am going under_

_Going under_

_I'm going under!_

The song ended, then, and I couldn't stop the grin from spreading across my face. We did it. Everything went perfectly. I murmured thanks into the microphone before turning to face the others, whose expressions all matched mine.

'That was awesome,' I mouthed at Jake.

'Totally,' he mouthed back.

We all hurried backstage, anxious to hear what the talent scout thought of us. As soon as we were off the stage, Embry hooted, shooting his fist into the air. We all laughed.

It felt amazing, letting out my emotions like this. Better than the motorcycles. And a hell of a lot less stupid. This could be it. My way to release my emotions. It all depended on what the scout said.

As if called, he walked around the corner, trailed by Cooper, who was smiling at us. Hopefully that meant good news. Upon reaching us, Cooper slapped my back, saying, "You did _great_, Bella! Simply amazing!"

I blushed. Typical.

"I agree," the scout said. "This group has amazing potential." He paused, and the second that filled up that pause felt like an eternity. I held my breath, waiting . . .

"I would love to bring you guys in, see how you do in a recording studio. Of course," he smiled, "you will most likely have to confer before you-"

"Yes!" We exclaimed at the same time. The scout's smile broadened.

"Excellent." He handed a card to Cooper, before turning around and walking out the back door. There were five seconds of stunned silence before we were able to say anything.

"Oh…my God," I managed to choke out.

"We did it," Quil said, still completely stunned.

"We did it," Jacob echoed.

"So," a sweet, female voice brought us back to reality. We turned – It was Emily, Sam's arm wrapped around her waist. They were both smiling. "How did it go?"

"He said yes," Embry told her. I watched as her face lit up as that sunk in, much faster than it was taking us.

"That's… that's amazing!" She and Sam walked over to us, and the next ten minutes were basically full of exclamations and "oh my God"s.

When it was finally time to go home, all of my excitement was gone. Home. Home meant sleeping and sleeping meant nightmares. And tonight would be awful. I just knew it. I had spent _hours_ doing things caused by his actions, and if I though the nightmares from the motorcycles were bad…

I shuddered.

"You alright, Bella?" Jacob asked, sensing my distress. We were riding back in my truck, but he was driving. He turned to look over at me, and I stopped myself from scolding him. He was seventeen. He could do what he wanted.

"I'm fine, Jake," I lied. "Just cold."

He looked skeptical, but let it drop, rolling up his car window. I stared out the window, watching the familiar scenery pass by. Forks.

I tried leaving, once. Just after graduation, I packed up my things and was fully prepared to move to Phoenix. But, I just couldn't. Forks was my home, now, and forever.

_Not forever_, a small voice in the back of my head whispered. _Nothing is forever for you anymore. He took that all away._

_Shut up!_ I yelled back at the voice. _Shut up, shut up. I'm going to be haunted by nightmares tonight; I don't need to think about him now…_

"Bella?"

"Hm?" Jake was looking at me, concern obvious on his face.

"We're here," he said.

"Oh. Right." I felt awkward. Jake and I both got out of the car, and he walked me to the door. The house was mine now, since Charlie had … passed away.

"Tonight was amazing," he told me, grinning again. "You did great."

"Yeah. You were awesome on your solo," I complimented him. I couldn't_not_ smile around my personal sun.

"Alright, then. Goodnight." He leaned forwards to peck me on the cheek, and then released my hand and headed back to his Rabbit, which was waiting in my driveway.

"Night, Jake," I called. He revved the engine, and then drove away. Too fast. I sighed, before opening the door, and heading up to my room.

It had changed since I was in high school. Jake had helped me to paint the room black. I had replaced my bed sheets with black silk ones, and a dark comforter over those. I walked over to my closet, grabbing my bag of toiletries and pajamas (deep blue silk Victoria's Secret), before heading over to the bathroom. I took my time in getting ready for bed, brushing my hair until it was pin straight, showering until the water ran cold. But I couldn't stall forever. Eventually, I had to head back to my room.

I got under my covers, sighing. The nightmares were inevitable. I knew that. I had done things involving him. And now I was going to be punished. Badly.

"Come on, nightmares," I muttered to myself. "Bring it on."

I slowly sang into terrifying darkness as the nightmares began . . .

Author's Note:

Please, please, PLEASE review to tell me what you think of this. I'll try to update fast, but I still have to update other stories, like FORGOTTEN MEMORY, and stuff like that. But, please DO review. I want to know what people think!!!!

:D


	2. Chapter 2: Wash It All Away BPOV

Author's Chapter Notes: 

Hi!

I'm so happy people reviews so quickly!!! So, as reward, here is the next chapter...

Chapter Two

_Wash It All Away_

Evanescence

I jolted up in my bed, screaming, of course. I gasped for air in the early morning, my breathing the only sound breaking the piercing silence. I glanced over at my alarm clock. Five AM. Ugh.

_It's not like you weren't expecting this_, a small voice in the back of my head reminded me. _At the concert last night, you did things about _him_. And that _never_ goes without being punished._

Yes. I knew that. Just as I knew that, as much as I loved to do this, to write these songs, to sing, they would bring me pain once the sun went down. It was just part of the deal. Every joy comes with its own sacrifice.

I just wish it wasn't so often.

I sighed, slowly swinging my feet over the side of the bed, gingerly placing them on the cold, wood floor. It was cold, the winter air from last night having seeped through my closed window and filling my room.

I stood up, too fast, and lost my balance. I had to catch myself on my dresser so I wouldn't bash my head into the ground. I sighed again. I was still just as clumsy as ever, unfortunately. I pulled myself back up, before heading over to my closet, opening the doors wide to see my full selection of available clothing.

The first thing my gaze landed on was a dark blue blouse. The hole in my chest rippled, taking my breath away. It wasn't the same, but it was too similar, much, _much_ too similar to the dark blue blouse _he _once complimented…

A lifetime ago…

I ripped the blouse from the hanger, turning to shove it into my wastebasket.

Back to the closet then.

I ended picking a long-sleeve black turtleneck sweater and a pair of midnight blue jeans. Simple. No dangerous memories attached to them. Safe.

I walked to the bathroom, stepping into the shower and turning up the water until it was scalding against my skin.

The steam wafted up, filling the bathroom, fogging the mirrors. I took deep, slow breaths, letting the hot water wash away all the cold sweat from the nightmare. I closed my eyes, tipping my head back, letting my mind wander.

Words began to come together in my head, then. I recognized them as lyrics. Dangerous lyrics, but good ones all the same. I found myself humming the dark tune as I stepped out of the shower, and, as I got dressed, slowly pulling my hair back into a high ponytail, the words began to spill from my lips.

_You hold the answers deep within your own mind.  
Consciously, you've forgotten it.  
That's the way the human mind works.  
Whenever something is too unpleasant, too shameful for us  
to entertain, we reject it.  
We erase it from our memories.  
But the answer is always there.  
Can't wash it all away  
Can't Wish it all away  
Can't hope it all away  
Can't cry it all away  
The pain that grips you  
The fear that binds you  
Releases life in me  
In our mutual  
Shame we idolize  
To blind them from the truth  
That finds a way from who we are  
Please don't be afraid  
When the darkness fades away  
The dawn will break the silence  
Screaming in our hearts  
My love for you still grows  
This I do for you  
Before I try to fight the truth  
my final time  
We're supposed to try and be real.  
And I feel alone, and we're not together. And that is real.  
Can't wash it all away  
Can't wish it all away  
Can't cry it all away  
Can't scratch it all away  
Lying beside you  
Listening to you breathe  
The life that flows inside of you  
Burns inside of me  
Hold and speak to me  
Of love without a sound  
Tell me you will live through this  
And I will die for you  
Cast me not away  
Say you'll be with me  
For I know I cannot  
Bear it all alone  
You're not alone, are you?  
Never... Never.  
Can't fight it all away  
Can't hope it all away  
Can't scream it all away  
It just won't fade away, No  
Can't wash it all away  
Can't wish it all away  
Can't cry it all away  
Can't scratch it all away  
Can't fight it all away  
Can't hope it all away  
Can't scream it all away  
Ooh, it all away  
Ooh, it all away  
But the answer is always there. Nothing is ever really forgotten.  
Because I'm tired of it too.  
Because I'm tired of it too.  
Because I'm tired of it too.  
Because I'm tired of it too.  
Because I'm tired of it too._

I shuddered in the now warm bathroom, the hole wide open as I sank slowly to the ground, sobbing. The lyrics echoed in my head, haunting me. I wrapped my arms around my kneed and pulled them to my chest, trying to stay in one piece; I was sure I was being slowly ripped apart from the inside out.

_Why?_ I asked myself. _It's been an entire year since you left; why do you still have so much control over me?_

_Because it was always that way_, the smaller part of me whispered. _You were always far too obsessed with him, and now that he's gone, you can't find a reason to go on living normally._

_But I have to_, I argued. _I cannot keep living like this. How is it that he can control me so much? It doesn't make sense… What happened to 'the human mind is a sieve'? Everything has gotten worse as time has gone on, not better…_

The smaller voice didn't have an answer for that.

Chapter End Notes:More review more chapters coming quickly!!! 


	3. Chapter 3: I'll Be Waiting BPOV

**Author's Note: Hello! A new artist this time. This song isn't from Bella either. It's… drumroll… JAKE'S turn to be the songwriter!!! Enjoy!!**

_I'll Be Waiting_

Lenny Kravitz

"Jacob?" I called, stepping through his front door. There was some movement out of the corner of my eye, Billy, I realized. "Is Jacob home?" I asked him. He wheeled himself around, away from the game, to face me.

"Nah, not yet," he said with a wrinkly smile. "But go ahead and wait in his room; he shouldn't be gone for much longer."

I nodded, thanking him. Billy turned his attention back to the game. I walked into Jacob's familiar, small room. I laid across his bed, my hair fanning out underneath me. I placed the envelope I was carrying next to me. It was the rough draft of the CD. Everyone had OK-ed it except for him. Once he did, it could go out onto the market.

I noticed that the part of the bed I was sitting on was uncomfortable. Like something was messing with the springs there. I leaned over the edge of the bed, my hair touching the floor. And, sure enough, there was a thin, black binder jammed underneath the mattress. Curious, I pulled it out. There was nothing written on the binder, so I opened it up.

As I flipped through the pages, I recognized rhythms among the words he had written in his messy scrawl. They were songs, I realized. I flipped back to the first one, reading it more carefully. Maybe, Jacob could play _and_ write, and we could use some of his songs as well.

_I'll Be Waiting_, the title said, underlined diagonally. A few lines down, the lyrics began, and, as I read over them, I realized whom the song was written for. Me.

_He broke your heart_

_He took your soul_

_You're hurt inside_

_'Cause there's a hole_

_You need some time_

_to be alone_

_then you will find_

_what you've always known_

_I'm the one who really love ya, baby_

_I've been knockin' at your door_

_and as long as I'm livin' _

_I'll be waitin'_

_as long as I'm breathin' _

_I'll be there_

_whenever you call me_

_I'll be waitin'_

_whenever you need me_

_I'll be there_

_I've seen ya cry_

_into the night_

_I feel your pain_

_can I make it right?_

_I realize_

_there's no end in sight_

_yet still I wait_

_for you to see the light_

_I'm the one who really loves ya, baby_

_I can't take it anymore_

_and as long as I'm livin'_

_I'll be waitin'_

_as long as I'm breathin'_

_I'll be there_

_whenever you call me_

_I'll be waitin'_

_whenever you need me_

_I'll be there_

_You are the only one I've ever known_

_that makes me feel this way, couldn't on my own_

_I wanna be with you until we're old_

_you've got the love you need right in front of you, please come home_

_as long as I'm livin'_

_I'll be waitin'_

_as long as I'm breathin'_

_I'll be there_

_whenever you call me_

_I'll be waitin'_

_whenever you need me_

_I'll be there_

_as long as I'm livin'_

_I'll be waitin'_

_as long as I'm breathin'_

_I'll be there_

_whenever you call me_

_I'll be waitin'_

_whenever you need me_

_I'll be there_

I felt a single tear slipping down my cheeks. I thought I had hidden my pain so well, and yet Jacob saw right through my ruse. I was about to flip to the next song, when I heard the handle to the door turning. I quickly slammed the binder closed, shoving it under the mattress again. It didn't look exactly the same as before, but he couldn't see it once I shifted my body to get it out of sight.

"Bella?" Jacob said, opening the door.

I smiled, wiping the tear off of my face as I saw the only person who understood my pain walk through the doorway.

"Hey, Jake."

**Author's Note: Hey, sorry – REALLY short, here. But, I was listening to the radio, and I heard this song. I was like "OMG! Sounds like Jacob to Bella!!" So I started writing. I WAS going to do an EVANESCENCE – MY IMMORTAL chapter here, but I can put it as the next chapter. So, now you have a new chapter, a less depressing song, AND you know of the awesomeness that it the next chapter's song. I don't know about you, but I think that's PRETTY review-worthy. :D**


	4. Chapter 4: Whisper BPOV

**Author's Note: **

**Sorry, one more chapter to wait until MY IMMORTAL. I found another song I wanted to do first heh...**

**I'm skipping ahead to after the CD comes out, because I feel like it. :D But anyways, here is the next chapter, nice and fast-coming-like. Enjoy!**

_Whisper_

Evanescence

I walked onto the stage, taking a deep breath. I was shocked at how large the crowd was. Werewolf was a huge hit; our album sold like crazy, and now we had a sold out tour. It was great. And I just wrote this new song - Whisper - because I knew that, since our songs would be playing on the radio, _he_ would hear it. And I could let him know how much pain he had caused me, cause him the pain that I felt. And maybe that would make things better.

"Ready Bells?" Jacob asked, just to my right. I nodded, taking another step forwards to grab the microphone. The crows cheered louder, and, out of the corner of my eye, I could see Embry grinning. I could feel myself smiling, too. None of us had imagined that Werewolf would be this popular. It felt amazing to know that so many people understood, or at least knew of, what happened.

"This is a new song I just wrote," I told the screaming crowd. My eyes raked over the signs people were holding up farther back in the crowd. "It's called 'Whisper,' and it's for Edward." It was the first time I had ever announced his name to the public. I wasn't sure why I had done it, but it felt so good to say his name - outside of my head - without flinching.

Jacob and Quil started up the beat, loud and electric. I allowed myself a quick grin, before joining them, Embry coming in a few seconds later.

_Catch me as I fall  
Say you're here and it's all over now  
Speaking to the atmosphere  
No one's here and I fall into myself _

This truth drives me  
Into madness  
I know I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away  
If I will it all away

Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die

I'm frightened by what I see  
But somehow I know  
That there's much more to come  
Immobilized by my fear  
And soon to be  
Blinded by tears  
I can stop the pain  
If I will it all away 

_If I will it all away _

Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die

Fallen angels at my feet  
Whispered voices at my ear  
Death before my eyes  
Lying next to me I fear  
She beckons me  
Shall I give in  
Upon my end shall I begin  
Forsaking all I've fallen for  
I rise to meet my end

Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die  
Don't try to hide  
Don't close your eyes  
Don't turn out the light

Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die 

_Don't turn away  
Don't give in to the pain  
Don't try to hide  
Though they're screaming your name  
Don't close your eyes  
God knows what lies behind them  
Don't turn out the light  
Never sleep never die_

The words ended, and the boys finished up the song, getting softer until they stopped playing. Then, I finally looked out into the crowd. They were cheering, screaming. We were all grinning again. I looked down at what I was wearing - a long, floorlength black dress with fancy trimming. I wasn't sure when I first saw the dress, but, a few rips and tears later, it was exactly what I wanted - the pure, Gothic look.

_I don't care if you have control over me_, I thought, as if Edward could hear me._ I don't care_ that every night, I'm haunted by nightmares. _I'm going to make sure that my life doesn't keep spiraling downwards. You will not destroy my life. I will do the one thing you never could - live._

And the crowd kept cheering.

**Author's Note:**

**Okay, time for reviews. I've been getting A LOT of requests to do MY IMMORTAL. So, next chapter, that's what I'll do. Now you have something to look forward to. Now, PLEASE tell me what you thought of this chapter!!!**


	5. Chapter 5: My Immortal BPOV

_Author's Note:_

_Hey all._

_Been getting lots of reviews asking for Edward's Point of View…_

_Sorry; this isn't it._

_BUT… it will be soon._

_So you can all look forwards to that._

_In this chapter, since I've been getting a LOT of requests for longer chapters, I'm going to put a little more plot in before I put the song. Hope I make you happy._

Chapter Five

_My Immortal_

Evanescence

I had just thought of lyrics for a new song. I walked across the room, grabbing my notebook and the closest pen I could find, scribbling down the lyrics in my still unbelievably messy scrawl. I looked over it for a moment, before writing the title on top of it. Then I carelessly tossed the notebook onto the ground, not able to deal with the lyrics for one more second.

The sound that the notebook made when it hit the ground was not the normal _thud_ that was made all the other times I had written my songs and been too cowardly to keep looking at the song anymore. This time, it was more of a hollow sound.

I stood up from my bed, walking over to the notebook. I kneeled carefully and picked up the notebook, dropping it again in the same spot. Again, no _thud_, just that mysterious hollow sound. I dropped the notebook in another spot. _Thud._ I dropped it over the mysterious spot. No _thud._

Something was definitely under those floorboards.

I tried prying the floorboards open with my fingers. The floorboards wouldn't budge. I sighed. Maybe I was wrong, maybe there wasn't anything under there. I stood up, shaking my head. I really _was_ going insane.

As I walked over the mysterious floorboards in attempt to get to my window, they broke. I screamed in surprise as my foot sank through the floor. I flailed wildly for a moment, before falling backwards onto the wooden floor. My heartbeat pounding wildly, I pulled my foot out, inspecting the scratches along my ankles. Nothing too bad.

I couldn't resist the urge to look into those floorboards. _It's just so I can prove myself wrong,_ I told myself. _It's not like I actually expect to find anything there…_

But there _was_ something there, under my floorboards. A square white box, its lid now squished from my foot. Curious, I pulled out the box, setting it on the ground next to me. I debated for a moment with myself over whether or not to open it, and then my curiosity got the better of me; I slowly took the dented lid off of the box.

I shouldn't have opened it.

Inside, were all the things that _he_ took. My CD with his songs, my pictures of him, everything. The tears welled up instantly, flowing silently down my cheeks, creating small, dark spots on my shirt. I picked up two of the pictures I had of him, the first, of when he was happy. Or at least pretending to be. I compared it to the second picture. Angelic perfection compared to uncaring monotony. I brought both hands to the pictures, fully prepared to rip them to shreds.

My hands didn't move.

I shook my head, in disbelief of my own unwillingness to destroy the only real evidence of his existence. I put the pictures back into the box, picking up the dusty jewel CD case next. The CD was clear, plain, just as I remembered it.

I stood up, walking over to my CD player, and deliberated. Part of me screamed to throw the CD out of my window, and never have to see, or hear, it again. But the other part of me whispered to keep it, to listen to it.

_I can't listen to it!_ the larger part of me screamed. _It has to do with _him_, and, therefore, is off limits._

_But it's also music_, the smaller part of me argued. _And singing music so far has been something that helps. Couldn't the same concept apply to_this_ music?_

_It's different. He wrote it._

_And my music is about him. It's the same thing._

_And what about the nightmares?_ I asked, feeling insane for arguing with myself.

_You've had nightmares every single day since he left. One more day isn't going to make any difference at all._

I placed the CD in the player, taking a slow, even breath before hitting the play button. The music swirled around me, haunting and comforting at the same time. I didn't know whether to smile or cry. My body seemed to compromise, shaking with silent sobs as the small smile remained in place on my tear-stained face. I listened to my song, and that was the worst. Esme's favorite was easier to listen to; it didn't have such wonderful, dangerous memories attached to it. I listened to the entire CD, and, by the last song, I only cried a little bit.

I was adapting. If not to his absence, then at least the way his absence made me feel. Some small part of me had accepted that this was the way that life would be, the way that my life would stay now that _he_ wasn't a part of it anymore.

I reached over to turn off the CD player, before lying back on my bed. The day was half over, and I hadn't even left the house. I sighed, and then remembered the song I had written earlier that morning, the melody that I had created to go with it. I needed to think of music to go along with it, so that I could show it to the boys. I sat up, picking up the notebook again, tapping it against my knee. After a minute, I figured out what the perfect instrument would be.

The piano.

Instantly, I was hit with flashback after flashback of when _he_ played the piano. Painful, horrible memories.

There was _no way_ that I would, could, play the piano.

It was then that I remembered my promise from the performance during the tour, which had just ended. I had promised myself that I would not let _him_ destroy my life, that I would live.

Living meant doing painful things, because I could, would… _had to_… keep going on with my life, whether or not he was here with me.

Which meant I had to go back to the piano.

When I told _him_ that I couldn't play the piano, that was true… sort of… When Renee forced me through lessons, before I whined for her to let me quit, I did manage to learn to play somewhat decently. I could play a few songs.

Or in this case, _write_ a few.

I ran out to my truck, grabbing the keys from the hook by the door as I went. An hour later, I was in the music studio. I headed into the room I knew had a piano in it. I hesitated outside the door, taking slow, even breaths.

_I can do this_, I chanted. _I can do this._

I opened the door, and let out my breath. There, in the middle of the room, was the piano. It took several more deep breaths before I was able to make my way over to it, slowly bringing back the cover for the keys and taking a seat.

_I can do this. I can do this._

I closed my eyes, my fingers slowly splaying out over the black and white keys. I took a deep breath, and started to play a slow, dark melody. As hard as I tried, though, I couldn't stop the tears. Nor could I stop playing.

And then I started to sing.

_I'm so tired of being here,_

_Suppressed by all my childish fears._

_And if you have to leave,_

_I wish that you would just leave,_

'_Cause your presence still lingers here,_

_And it won't leave me alone._

_These wounds won't seem to heal._

_This pain is just too real._

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

_When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears._

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,_

_And I held your hand for all of these years,_

_But you still held all of me._

_You used to captivate me_

_By your resonating lie._

_Now I'm bound by the life you left behind._

_Your face, it haunts my once pleasant dreams._

_Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me._

_These wounds won't seem to heal._

_This pain is just too real._

_There's just too much that time cannot erase._

_When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears._

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,_

_And I held your hand for all of these years,_

_But you still held all of me._

_I tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone._

_But though you're still with me, I've been alone all along._

_When you'd cry, I'd wipe away all of your tears._

_When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears,_

_And I held your hand for all of these years,_

_But you still held all of me._

I did it. I could do this, had just proven it to myself. I could keep living, keep existing, without _his_ presence. Nightmares or not, tears or not, I _would_ go on with my life, piece by piece. I would survive.

Author's Note:

Was that long enough, people? I hope so, because I don't normally put that much into a song-fic. But I love you all, so I'm making longer chapters. I know how you can repay me, too. You can give me a review, and tell me what you think. That sounds fair… right:-)

P.S. Edward's fantabulous entrance will be VERY soon!!!

P.P.S. Alright, people, time to take a vote. The next song will be by Within Temptation, but I'm giving you all a choice on which song it will be. I'm thinking _Angels_, _Pale_, or _Memories_. Tell me which one you want me to do, and it will be the next chapter. Gracias!


	6. Chapter 6: Memories EPOV

_Author's Note: Hey all! So, once I tallied up to see what people wanted, and _Memories_ won. So, that's what this chapter is going to be. But, a LOT of people also wanted _Angels_, so I'll probably put that song in later. Happy reading! _

_Memories _

Within Temptation

Edward's Point of View 

"Is it time for presents?" Emmett asked, acting as if he were a seven year old human. He was running in circles, grinning. Rosalie finally reached out to stop him, and had him sit in one of the chairs.

"Will saying yes make you calm down?" Jasper asked, rubbing his temples. _His excitement and hyperactivity is giving me a headache… _

"Yes." Emmett struggled to compose his face. _Finally! Today has been so boring, what with Edward too depressed to do anything fun, and everyone else avoiding me. Now, we can actually do something! _

I sighed.

I had thought that I was doing better about hiding my depression. It _had_ been a year after all; I had thought that I should be better at hiding my emotions from everybody (excluding Jasper, of course). Apparently, that wasn't the case.

It wasn't exactly like she was something I could easily forget, though, vampire memory or not. Every single day I regretted leaving her, and every day I battled with myself over whether or not to go back to her and beg for forgiveness. Only one thing stopped me from doing that; the human mind was like a sieve. She had probably either forgotten about me, or lost all feelings towards me.

" Alice," Emmett said, bringing me from my thoughts. He handed her a small, flat box. It looked exactly like every single present with her name on it.

It was a big shopping spree.

Her fourth one.

Of course. Every year, Alice gets shopping sprees, Emmett gets some fancy electronic device, Rosalie gets some sort of make up, I get CDs, and Jasper gets war novels. Carlisle and Esme usually give each other some sort of jewelry.

It was the same every Christmas. I didn't know why I couldn't miss this one. I just wanted to get back up to my room and be alone. I didn't do very well around the others, lately. Especially not Jasper. And he was sitting far too close to me. This, of course, meant every two seconds he was either shooting me sympathetic glances or sending peaceful waves through the air.

Apparently, it was time for me to receive my presents, because the next present landed in my lap. I looked up at Emmett, who was grinning. This, too, was 'tradition'. Emmett got giddy every Christmas, as if he became mentally seven.

"Gee, I wonder what it is," I said tonelessly, pulling off the red wrapping paper, along with the tag saying 'Merry Christmas from Emmett and Rosalie'. Inside, 'big surprise', was a CD.

The band was 'Werewolf.'

I raised an eyebrow.

"Interesting CD choice," I said. Emmett laughed. Rosalie kept her usual scowl in place. I skimmed over the CD. The band was from Washington. Forks.

The CD case cracked.

"Edward?" Jasper said, concerned by the sudden bombardment of emotions he was sensing.

"Very… interesting… CD," I repeated, focusing on staying in one piece. The rest of the event passed in a blur. When it was _finally_ over, I gathered my CDs, the one by 'Werewolf' on top, and rushed up to my room. No one took that as anything different than the usual. Once I got to my room, I examined the CD more carefully. It took me a minute, but I finally found the artists' names…

And swore.

'Vocals: Isabella Swan.'

I swore again, my eyes raking over the CD more anxiously. On the inside cover, there was a dedication, in fancy blood red writing.

'To the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead.'

"Emmett!" I yelled, not sure what to feel. Emmett, along with Alice and Jasper, appeared outside my door. "Where did you get this CD?" I demanded, my voice harsh with more emotion than I had ever had since we left. This surprised everyone.

"Just a local music store," Emmett said, taken aback.

"What's wrong?" Alice asked.

"Do you know who the lead singer is in this band?" I asked them, holding up the case.

"Some random freak obsessed with werewolves?" Emmett guessed. I shook my head.

"How would we know? We…" Alice trailed off, her eyes going blank for a moment. When her vision ended, her mouth fell open. "Oh my God," she whispered.

"Who is the lead singer?" Jasper asked.

"Bella," I whispered, her voice burning my throat a little on the way out. I hadn't said her name in almost eight months, and it sent a spasm of emotions through me. Jasper tried, pointlessly, to calm me down.

"That can't be right," Jasper said. At this point, the rest of the family was outside the door, their eyes wide with shock.

I opened the case, placing the CD gently in my music system. I took a slow, deep breath, before pushing 'play.'

A guitar started up a steady beat, the bass playing the counter-melody. And then _she_ started singing.

_Memories _

_Memories _

_Memories _

_In This World You Tried _

_Not Leaving Me Alone Behind _

_There's No Other Way _

_I'll Pray To The Gods: Let Him Stay _

_The Memories Ease The Pain Inside _

_Now I Know Why _

_All Of My Memories _

_Keep You Near _

_It's All About Us _

_Imagine You'd Be Here _

_All Of My Memories _

_Keep You Near _

_The Silent Whispers _

_The Silent Tears _

_Made Me Promise I'd Try _

_To Find My Way Back In This Life _

_I Hope There Is A Way _

_To Give Me A Sign You're Okay _

_Reminds Me Again _

_It's Worth It All _

_So I Can Go Home _

_All Of My Memories _

_Keep You Near _

_It's All About Us _

_Imagine You'd Be Here _

_All Of My Memories _

_Keep You Near _

_The Silent Whispers _

_The Silent Tears _

_Together In All These Memories _

_I See Your Smile _

_All The Memories I Hold Dear _

_Darling You Know I Love You Till The End Of Time _

_All Of My Memories _

_Keep You Near _

_It's All About Us _

_Imagine You'd Be Here _

_All Of My Memories _

_Keep You Near _

_The Silent Whispers _

_The Silent Tears _

I was frozen. My entire body had gone into lockdown, and, as the next song started, I picked up the CD, turning it to the back. All of these songs were either angry or sad songs, I realized. I remembered the dedication. _'To the vampire who broke my heart and left me for dead.' _

She was angry with me. Murderously angry. Part of me tried to reason that she had full right to. But I wasn't listening to that voice. I only wanted a chance to explain myself, to make everything right.

But how could I do that if she's so angry with me? She hates me; she wouldn't let me anywhere near her.

I'd have to try, I decided. I would find her and explain everything, make her understand. At least then she would know all the details.

Alice grinned.

"I'll buy the tickets," Alice said.

_Author's Note: _

_Yay for Edward's Point of View! _

_Don't worry; there will be longer EPOV in the next chapter. My cliffy side just begged me to stop here. It will continue in the next chapter. _

_Now, please **please** review! _


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